People are like those nested Russian dolls. You never really lose the things you were, as you get older. You just kind of add a new shell on top of them. That kid you were, that bold or shy teenager, that wild early twenty-something…that stuff is all still there. You just have to open that top layer and look deeper.
You ever have a dream within a dream? I have. Sometimes I have dreams within dreams within dreams. Sometimes you go too deep into the layers and get lost. Because those old yous aren’t the same as the current you. It’s important to know they are still there, because they make up a lot of who you currently are. But it’s equally important to remember that you are not those other yous. Those other yous are you…get it?
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone? All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
But really, sometimes you do want to hurt people. Maybe you don’t want to do it physically, but you certainly want them to know pain. This is especially true if you feel that other person has hurt you in the same way.
This is an unhealthy desire. It’s best to avoid it. Move on, or try to work through it some other way. Don’t give in to negativity. You can’t fight negativity with negativity. The outcome of such conflicts are never good for anybody involved.
Still…it’s okay to express your feelings. If you’re feeling like fuck that other person’s feelings, then go on and say it. Got it out of your system? Good. Now let’s move forward.
In all honesty, I find it hard to reconcile my different thoughts. For instance, I thought of blogging about why I find it necessary to constantly defend Obama even though I don’t care too much for him or any high-ranking politician for that matter. At the same time, I conceived of a post about different types of pussy and why I would prefer one type to another. Simultaneously, I find myself wanting to talk about a particular anime series. Maybe that gives you a little insight into my mind as well as why I hesitate to blog at all. I mean, is a person even allowed to put so many types of things into a single blog?
An SEO expert would probably tell me that it’s blog suicide to veer so much from having only one focus or core topic. It’s a problem I have always dealt with in one way or another. I think the problem is that I fear alienating any one group of people. Now, personally, there’s much I don’t give a fuck about. But I do give a fuck about the people who give a fuck about what I have to say. Unfortunately, since I talk in so many different voices, I attract different types of people. The folks that come through because they want to read more of my poetry may be turned off by my dubious attempts at music. Those that may have read something poignant or uplifting on my Twitter feed may be a little turned off when they get a whiff of my political views or see just how vulgar my language can get.
I probably shouldn’t care. At the same time, I hate to turn anybody away. One reason I enjoy the WordPress blogging platform is because it uses categories and each category can have its own feed. That way the poetry readers can see just the poetry and the people who enjoy my random thoughts can read just those. However, that does not always work. It all depends on how people find my site.
I don’t want to talk about my writing efforts on one page and expound on why niggas who sell crack need to either expand or stop hustling on another. After all, it’s all me. In fact, when I got my domain, my first thought was that I could finally just let it all out in one place.
Where do I put my children’s poetry? Is it right that I have stuff suitable for kids located right next to where I talk about the virtues of prostitution? Probably not. I am dynamic, and some of my stuff is for one group and not another. So where does that leave me? Should I say fuck it and just put it all out there on this one site? I don’t want a bunch of separate blogs, websites and pseudonyms – that way madness lies.
I have noticed that a certain level of celebrity allows you to ignore aspects of this conundrum. It seems that once you already have a following, it doesn’t matter as much. Besides all that, I figure that as a writer for hire, I should also be able to show that I can write about any topic (which I can!).
The crack epidemic was a surge of crack cocaine use in major cities across the United States throughout the entirety of the 1980s and the early 1990s. This resulted in several social consequences, such as increasing crime and violence in American inner city neighborhoods, a resulting backlash in the form of tough on crime policies, and a massive spike in incarceration rates.
— Here is an unedited and explicit view into the mind of a man that deeply ponders the weighty issues and concerns of the day —
Amazon.com: New Jack City: Special Edition (Dbl DVD) (O-Sleeve) : Wesley Snipes, Ice T, Mario Van Peebles, Judd Nelson, Chris Rock, Mario Van Peebles: Movies & TV
You should find that people are more than willing to step up and help you in almost any way you need them to — but of course you’ve got to swallow your pride and ask directly first!
I’m not an avid follower of all things astrological or anything like that, but this really caught my attention. It’s something that I’ve dealt with for a long time: my absolute refusal to ask for help.
I Ask For Help…Sometimes
Yes, I ask for help for small and insignificant things, but I have a lot of trouble asking for anything important or anything that I might really need. There have been times when I did in fact swallow my pride and ask someone for something, but you know, people never really came through for me. This only reinforced my stubbornness, because it showed me the truth of one of the many reasons I don’t ask for help. I hate to rely or depend on another, they will always fail you.
But I find myself at a point in my life where I really do need some help. And then I read that horoscope. I think it’s maybe time I trust in the kindness of others, and stop telling myself that kindness in others simply doesn’t exist, so why bother.
So I think from here on out, I’m gonna start taking people up on their offers. I’m not going to be afraid, ashamed, embarrassed, or too prideful to ask another to lend me a hand. I will say “yes” when someone asks if they can help me out with this or that. And I will not give any of these people reason to doubt me, as I have doubted the integrity of everyone else.
I hereby, do so solemnly swear.
What Else My Horoscope Had to Say
As an aside, my extended horoscope for today was also very on point about what I’m going through, literally right this moment:
It’s easy to see how staying at home might not be your favorite activity — at least, not on a regular basis, certainly not alone, and definitely not now, when the stars are sending you all kinds of revolutionary energy. If you just can’t force yourself to stay in, even if you’re tired, don’t. Remember — you can always catch up on your beauty sleep later this weekend.
This one speaks for itself, and yes ladies and gentleman, it’s absolutely true of me at this point and time.
And maybe, just maybe, the two ideas are tied together somehow.
This is a response to a question asked by a friend on FaceBook
“Ladies, if you like a guy do you make the first move or wait until he moves on you?”
Me: Don’t wait too long – that’s a mistake that women seem to make a lot – some dudes just won’t take that first step until YOU let him know that you’re feeling him some sort of way – that’s why I like bold women – just put it out there in the air ya know, and let him make a decision from there.
However, someone else said something that I didn’t particularly agree with:
Not Me: Actually, the BIG thing that seperates men and women is called common sense. Some men just don’t have any. If a woman is interested, she will let you know in her own way. It may be a glance, a smile, a certain look. She doesn’t always have to get in your face. If you aren’t swift enough to catch on, then like I sad…she needs to keep it moving. men like the chase, in case you didn’t know. It’s your nature. But some men just don’t know it yet. When they grow up to be REAL men, they will.
I left out some inbetween posts for the sake of brevity – I am posting this here because my response was too long to fit on FaceBook and I didn’t wanna post it in sections…so here it is:
Me: @MH It’s not common sense that separates men from women 😛 trust me, just as many men lack it as women – and I can point to a trillion examples of women acting like they have no sense at all. But that goes back to the very nature of what makes a man a man and a woman a woman – but that’s a case for another day:)
And I didn’t wanna turn Saidah’s post into a debate – but I can’t just let those words slide Ms. Herndon – You are drawing a generalization about men that just isn’t true nor right – you are assuming that if we can’t catch onto super subtle hints, then we are not only stupid, but not deserving of said attention to begin with. That’s just harsh – you fail to take into account the human aspect of the whole thing. ie – what if the chick is just a flirt, or god forbid, a tease – what if the dude is shy – what if, what if, what if – the point is, unless one or the other is somewhat blatant, it stands the chance of having all those gestures turning into mixed and confusing symbols on both sides – Not all men like the chase – it’s 2009 – some of US might wanna be chased 😛
According to you, a woman can come to a spot, give a nigga a wink, and he, being a grown up “real” man, will not only get the hint, but immediately move on it. That scenario in and of itself can speak volumes about both parties involved :)) and you’re right, sometimes it works like that – but it doesn’t always, because human beings have different thoughts, different ways of doing things, different senses of propriety etc – I think that what I’m saying is, you are speaking only for yourself in your statement and no one else.
On top of that, there are THREE dudes saying the opposite of you right here on this very thread!!! What the fuck woman?!?!?!?
…damn…I like you 😛
Me: @SK – sorry love, this was the first thing I saw when I log on at work today – didn’t mean to hijack your post 😉 but I haven’t been writing in a while…and this is what happens – think I might blog about this subject…then again, I think I just did =)
The point is, people are different. Don’t wait for somebody to make a move. If you’re interested, take the initiative!
I was thinking about my hair. I have very nappy, kinky, unruly hair. There isn’t much I can do with it but have it braided or cut off. Personally, I don’t mind either option, but currently, I would rather have it than cut it. However, many people, especially women, presume to make that decision for me. They usually tell me to cut it. These are their arguments for cutting my hair: It will make me look more pleasing to the eye – It will make me look more professional – a low-cut or shaved head is a sign of maturity – and several variations thereof.
As I said before, I do not have a problem with cutting my hair – but I’m not ready to do it yet. I have that particular action saved for a specific event;) What troubles me about the above-mentioned reasoning is this: I am not my hair, nor am I the person that would cut my hair to please others. I don’t have much of it, but I LOVE my nappy ass head. I like that I have natural, kinky, black hair. I like the clouds that it forms above my thoughts.
No matter what my hair looks like, whether it’s there or not…I am still me. My hair is naturally beautiful to me in its raw untouched form. Anything else is artificial. Well, not artificial per se, I don’t mind having something done to my hair and I certainly appreciate a nice hairdo on others, but some people take it to the extreme. Anything you do with your hair should be a personal choice and not to please another human being (unless that is your occupation or something). It bothers me that someone would fail to get a job, lose out on love, or even become some sort of outcast just off how their hair looks.
People are always looking for an excuse to judge, the shit is sickening. Everybody wants everybody else to conform to what they personally believe to be some imagined norm. My pops spit me out the tube and my moms pushed me out the womb, this is the hair I came with. I might wanna do things to it now and then, but I’ll be damned if I do it to please YOU!
Yea, sometimes it looks a lil crazy, but it’s okay by me:)
Written & Read by: Neil Gaiman Illustrations by: Dave McKean Animated by: Cobbie Karagdag For information about Dave McKean, please visit: http://www.mckean-art.co.uk/ For information about Neil Gaiman, please visit: http://www.neilgaiman.com/ For information about Cobbie Karagdag, please visit: http://cobbiek.multiply.com/ Made for: http://welovemymasterpiece.com/
Throughout the world, and even throughout history, prostitution has been many different things to different people. I specify female prostitution here only because the connotation of the word more readily implies women. But much of what I write here applies to men as well.
A Time and Place for Prostitution
There have been times, and places, where forms of prostitution were (are) a somewhat dignified profession. Places where a prostitute was akin to a modern-day movie star. Times when prostitution was a sacred, almost religious act.
It’s not called the world’s oldest profession for nothing. Most people today only know of prostitution in the here and now. But there are places where the prostitutes are not the downtrodden, beaten, and pimped out women that we see here. In fact, even using the word “prostitute” to describe them is highly insulting. Rather, they are the women that control what they do and whom they do it with. They are the women that have turned having sex for money into a lifestyle, a viable business, and sometimes, even art.
In biblical times there were prostitutes just for the priests to have sex with. In Japan, the top ranks of the oiran were an enviable position; something much more than just a woman having sex for money. The courtesans of old Europe could gain very high status in society. There are high-profile escorts today that regularly enjoy the company of people of great wealth and influence. Executives, actors, politicians, and people who govern and run countries want something a little more than just a street hooker. They expect women of class.
A Fine Line Between Crass and Class
It’s a fine line. Mainly religion-based social pressures tell us that what these women do is wrong and immoral. However, I believe that when done right, it can be downright empowering. Or, to put it more colloquially, the power of the pussy is awesome. Whole nations have fallen and risen behind it.
To the untrained mind it would seem that these women are giving up their self-worth and inner power when they give up their goodies. If you look closer, you’ll see that a woman who knows what she’s doing has the better chunk of that power.
The sex trade is just that, a trade. Each person decides what giving up something special is worth. Some do it for twenty dollars, some do it for diamonds, some do it for fame and power.
If they are doing it willingly and of their own free will, then I say let them earn their bread and leave them alone. Of course, some do it for the man who beats them if they don’t. Some are born and raised, sold or subjugated into it. But that’s not the type of prostitution I’m talking about in this article.
Everything is Situational
Everything is situational. What exactly is so wrong with sex for money? What upsets people about other people paying for companionship? Like marijuana consumption, it’s one of those things that people will do regardless of what laws are in the books at the time. Legalize it, regulate it, structure it, tax it, and get over it. I think in the end, we will all be better for it.
What This is NOT About
This is not, by any stretch, an endorsement for some of the lower, fouler aspects of the sex trade, which includes hings like modern-day sex slavery, or the violence that sometimes runs unchecked in many of the sex related industries. Nor is this an endorsement for those that hit the streets out of utter desperation, or to earn money for drugs and such. And it damn sure isn’t approval for the predators that feed off such weaknesses. Although related to what I’m saying here, those are completely different subjects and probably best saved for later blog posts.
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3 Oct 2016
0 CommentsThe You Inside of You – the Dream Within a Dream
People are like those nested Russian dolls. You never really lose the things you were, as you get older. You just kind of add a new shell on top of them. That kid you were, that bold or shy teenager, that wild early twenty-something…that stuff is all still there. You just have to open that top layer and look deeper.
You ever have a dream within a dream? I have. Sometimes I have dreams within dreams within dreams. Sometimes you go too deep into the layers and get lost. Because those old yous aren’t the same as the current you. It’s important to know they are still there, because they make up a lot of who you currently are. But it’s equally important to remember that you are not those other yous. Those other yous are you…get it?
More Random Thoughts by Silencio Barnes
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